Monday, August 27, 2012

Control Freak

One thing I don't like to admit is that I can be a control freak. This has always been something I've struggled with. When I was little, I tried to control my brothers and tell them what to do, how to do it and I would always say "I'm the boss" or "You have to listen to me because I'm the oldest". Now I try to control where my husband and I eat or what we should do with our finances or how to discipline our kids. I don't do it with a purpose to "wear the pants", I do it because I have not learned how to let go and not be the boss. I've been reading (for a few months now thanks to work and being a mom, which I don't just takes me longer to read now than it did before) The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg. It is such an eye opener into my spiritual life and how I am supposed to live for God and it gives a much bigger picture than what I ever imagined. As I was reading today I came across this quote Ortberg wrote that I LOVE:

"I find that every moment I worry
is a chance to practice letting go
of the need to control outcomes.
There is a God.
It is not me."

This quote was perfect for me! Every time a situation presents itself and I feel the need to control it, I need to remember that God is in control of my cirumstances and I desperately need to let go and let God take over. There have been so many stresses in our life lately-my husband lost his job and I wasn't working, our (only) car broke down after I got the job, and then again a couple days ago (we have a second car now, thank you God), and we are in debt and it seems to get worse every time we have a car problem or some other crazy thing happens. Sometimes we feel like we're drowning and we're doing all we can to get to the top to take a breath and then we get pulled under again and we're doing all we can to survive. I know that there are so many people that are suffering much more than we are, but for us this is difficult and I am constantly finding myself trying to figure things out instead of looking to God for the answers. And when I do look for Him, He has always been right there next to me, planning my steps before I take them and opening doors before I reach them. How awesome is it that I have a God that actually cares and takes care of me! If I could just learn to let him take care of my problems before I try to figure them out, His mercies would be revealed to me sooner.

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