Monday, August 27, 2012

Control Freak

One thing I don't like to admit is that I can be a control freak. This has always been something I've struggled with. When I was little, I tried to control my brothers and tell them what to do, how to do it and I would always say "I'm the boss" or "You have to listen to me because I'm the oldest". Now I try to control where my husband and I eat or what we should do with our finances or how to discipline our kids. I don't do it with a purpose to "wear the pants", I do it because I have not learned how to let go and not be the boss. I've been reading (for a few months now thanks to work and being a mom, which I don't just takes me longer to read now than it did before) The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg. It is such an eye opener into my spiritual life and how I am supposed to live for God and it gives a much bigger picture than what I ever imagined. As I was reading today I came across this quote Ortberg wrote that I LOVE:

"I find that every moment I worry
is a chance to practice letting go
of the need to control outcomes.
There is a God.
It is not me."

This quote was perfect for me! Every time a situation presents itself and I feel the need to control it, I need to remember that God is in control of my cirumstances and I desperately need to let go and let God take over. There have been so many stresses in our life lately-my husband lost his job and I wasn't working, our (only) car broke down after I got the job, and then again a couple days ago (we have a second car now, thank you God), and we are in debt and it seems to get worse every time we have a car problem or some other crazy thing happens. Sometimes we feel like we're drowning and we're doing all we can to get to the top to take a breath and then we get pulled under again and we're doing all we can to survive. I know that there are so many people that are suffering much more than we are, but for us this is difficult and I am constantly finding myself trying to figure things out instead of looking to God for the answers. And when I do look for Him, He has always been right there next to me, planning my steps before I take them and opening doors before I reach them. How awesome is it that I have a God that actually cares and takes care of me! If I could just learn to let him take care of my problems before I try to figure them out, His mercies would be revealed to me sooner.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Working Momma

I am reading a friend's blog and realized that I haven't blogged in forever! Life has been crazy hectic lately and I would love to share some more projects I've done/recipes I've tried, but I can't. Because I'm a working mom now and I don't have time for those things! I WISH I could be home working on some DIY projects, but alas, I must work and make money. I must be the help meet my husband needs me to be right now. And you know, it's really not as bad as I had imagined. I actually love my job. And I love getting a paycheck. At first I was so against the idea of working because I didn't want to leave my sweet girls. Stephen (my husband) and I were going through a bit of a rough patch in our marriage and with only one income, it was making our marriage a little more difficult to work on. You know, with all the stresses of one income and debt piling up, my husband felt like I didn't want to work to help. After talking to God and tears and reading "Created to be His Help Meet" (which is one of my favorite books ever), I decided that if i wanted my marriage to improve, I needed to change some things, and the first step was to get a job. It actually happened all within a week. I went in to interview on a Thursday, got a call Monday that I got the job, and started the following Wednesday. God definitely had His hand in all of this. I was hired on as a part-time teller and when I went in on my first day, they offered me full time and I accepted. Two days later, they offered me the receptionist/loan processor position and I GLADLY took it.
And I love the reaction my husband gives me every time I come home in my work clothes or talk about work. Like, he seriously thinks it's hot. It's amusing to me how men find things attractive, but he is all over me! He really appreciates that I'm working to take some of the stress off of him and I honestly can see the difference in our marriage. Of course, we talked and worked on some other things too, so it wasn't all about the job thing. But it has helped tremendously and I am so happy!
I havent worked, though, since our first daughter was born and it kills me to leave the girls. Especially Zoey, because she isn't even 4 months old yet. I've adjusted much better than I thought, but now I'm finding it SUPER hard to keep my home organized. This morning I left for work and the kitchen sink was piled up so high, I could barely stick my hand under the faucet. And our sink has two sides! AND, I washed dishes last night! I am a clean FREAK and it kills me that I can't find time to sweep the floors, do laundry and the dishes (our DW is broken) during the week. Addison makes messes and I can't really avoid cleaning. Any tips, working moms?